My Friend to the End and Beyond March 17, 2013
Posted by wakingupgroggy in Uncategorized.Tags: cancer, death, greiving, life, love, spirit, spiritual
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Some people who come in to your life are epic. They make you see things you didn’t think were possible, they open up your heart and mind and you’re never the same after knowing them. I had one such friend.
When I met her I was suffering from extreme anxiety and things were very dark inside my head, but like a beacon of light and joy she bounced into my life and hooked me up with her body talk therapist who was significant to my recovery. We then became fast friends and a year later both of us were ready to have a baby. She would say to me that soon enough both of us would be bumping baby bellies together, and I was excited at the thought of both us of having a baby at the same time. However it didn’t work out that way, she had two really bad miscarriages, the second one happened while I was in the hospital giving birth to my daughter. Despite her loss she didn’t let it slow her step, she skipped into my hospital room genuinely happy for me, and you never would’ve known she was just down the hall getting a procedure to remove the lost life from her womb.
We didn’t see each other as much after I had the baby however I looked forward to the few coffee dates we did have. She was the only one I could talk to about certain things, I’d confess my deepest, most secret thoughts and she didn’t judge me, she helped me to air things out. I loved having that type of friendship in my life, in fact she was the only friend I’d ever said the words ‘I love you’ to.
One year ago today was the day I received the life changing news, she had cancer, it had spread to her liver and there was no cure. She had just turned 40 a month before but her response to the death sentence at her age was “My life begins at 40”. I fully believed in her, she was the strongest person I’d ever known. She was the type of person who would beat the odds and go on to write books and give lectures on her survival story. At the time I’d just read about a Canadian celebrity Bif Naked, a singer song writer who had beat breast cancer and I thought how much alike they two of them were, both survivors. I believed she would beat it too, or at the very least out live doctors expectations. She died less than 3 months later.
How she died was inspiring and so beautiful that I accepted her departure fully. I understood that’s the kind of person she was; she didn’t give up but she was impatient and she wasn’t going to wait around for death, if death was to come, let it come.
I went to visit her a month after her diagnosis, she was penniless, homeless and living at her estranged boyfriend’s mothers house. Although her life was at it’s darkest point and she’d lost a lot of weight from the cancer eating her insides, she looked good. She still had that smile that looked like she had a funny secret she couldn’t wait to share with you. I went to visit her hoping to lift her spirits, instead I left feeling better. That’s how she was, she was selfless and never, ever felt sorry for herself, and through all of that pain and suffering she remained cheerful and smiling.
She died surrounded by her family, they said it was peaceful and she was happy. She died with a kind dignity and grace that is so rare.
Her death of course was not without magic (and a little mystery) she wouldn’t depart this earth without leaving a gift…and so when I received the news of her death I was with my daughter but needed to grieve, with tears streaming down my face I walked up the front steps of my house to take her upstairs to be with Grandma so I could have some time alone. As I left my house I saw Bif Naked walking her dog across the street, I was stunned. I left my daughter with her Grandma and got into my car to drive to the beach to process my emotions, at the corner of the street was Bif Naked again standing waiting for her dog, but it was like she was purposely hesitating. She was giving me a confused look, probably wondering why I was crying. If only she knew how fateful her decision to walk her dog down my street at that exact moment in time was. I’d never seen her in my neighborhood before and I haven’t seen her since
Sometimes life is like that, why Bif Naked was walking past my house at the very moment I received news of the passing of my friend, the friend I thought would beat her cancer like she did, is a mystery for me still.
Now on this one year anniversary perhaps the reason is a little clearer. First of all I’m a huge skeptic of everything supernatural. I believe the universe is a mysterious place and there are countless explanations for why things happen, however my friend wasn’t a skeptic at all, she fully believed in it as she’d experienced it herself.
Recently my husband went to see a new client for his job in IT, this woman who claims to do energy healing suddenly asked him if he had a sister or friend who died recently. She told him there was a tall blonde woman in her 30’s standing near him, her description of the female spirit was exact description of my friend that had passed away. She told him the female spirit kept repeatedly saying “you’re a good husband’ and that is the exact kind of thing my friend would say.
I miss my friend terribly, but to know she’s there watching over us brings me peace. That’s who she was, always looking out for the people she cared about. I’m so grateful for every single minute that she was my friend, that she was and always will be in my life, even after death.
My friend taught me many things, but the most important thing she taught me was how to always be grateful, to keep grace in your heart and love life no matter what it throws at you and always, always believe in magic.
I’m Baaaack! March 17, 2013
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So after many wonderful comments (and now that I’ve settled comfortably into parenthood) I’m resurrecting this blog. I have many posts waiting to go so come back soon, I look forward to your comments and connecting with you!
Saying Goodbye to This Blog August 8, 2010
Posted by wakingupgroggy in Uncategorized.4 comments
First I would like to thank everyone who has supported me with this blog, and those who’ve taken the time to make a comment, I appreciate it.
Life is changing rapidly for many of us, for me, being pregnant with my first child, this change is huge! My priorities are changing and my inner guidance is pulling me in different directions.
In addition life is getting busier so I don’t have time for updates.
I will no longer post anything new on this blog, however I will keep it up for awhile as there are some articles I’ve written that have had a great response and I’d like people to be able to access these articles.
Happy trails to all
and remember
it’s all good! 🙂
Knowing the Difference Between Intuition and Ego Based Fear June 29, 2010
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There is a fine line between following our intuition/inner guidance and ego based fear nudges, often we can get these two things confused. I’ve found in my experience that true intuition is a quiet voice that gives me an idea I quickly shoo away for one reason or another.
Recently, I started a part time class in an art school I’ve always felt some disdain for as I feel they’re pretentious. It never would have happened if I’d listen to my fears.
About 2 months before, my mother offered to buy art supplies for me so I could start painting again and I turned her down. I made excuses for it at first; I didn’t want her to spend her money on me, too tired, pregnant and it’s too much right now etc etc, something in me said ‘no not right now’. However a quiet nudge said “take a class at that school” I put aside my excuses and got up the courage to ask if her offer still stood and if I could use it to take a class. She was more than happy to pay for it and I’m so glad she did, it’s exactly what I needed to get out of a rut and get motivated. I also realized that school is great for pushing the boundaries of how I approach a painting and forced me out of my box. It wasn’t the school that’s pretentious, it was my fear that I don’t belong there.
We’re in a time when our boundaries are getting pushed, we’re being tested and our old beliefs challenged. If we have the courage to push through whatever fears are holding us back we’ll reap great rewards. This period may be difficult but it’s a gift to us from the universe to be happy and finally heal, sometimes we need a push to get there….and sometimes that forces us to do things we would never have considered before.
From now on whenever you have a feeling that prevents you from making a change or taking a risk; ask yourself if it’s your true inner guidance or your fears stopping you in your tracks.
Best of the Web (for your spirit) June 7, 2010
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My current pick is:
Just as the name suggests it’s a site devoted to all things that make you happy. In addition this cute little site is also available in a gadget for iGoogle so you can be reminded of happy things every day.
No matter how bad we feel, there’s always something to be happy about.
Example of iGoogle gadget
Best of the Web (for your spirit) May 1, 2010
Posted by wakingupgroggy in Best of the web, Uncategorized.Tags: choir, conductor, eric whitacre, inspirational, singing
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This is the absolute best of the web! It’s when creativity, art and inspiration come together to create something so beautiful it can move you to tears.
185 people from around the world submitted video of themselves singing a part of Lux Aurumque. They sang their part according to the video the conductor submitted of his timing. What you hear is all submitted videos in one and it’s stunning.
Have You Been Seeing Number Sequences Like 808, 909 and 919? April 27, 2010
Posted by wakingupgroggy in Uncategorized.27 comments
Want to know what one of the top search terms people used to find my blog this past month?
“What is the meaning of 555,909, 919”
One morning in March I kept waking up every hour and looking at the clock 6:06 then 7:07 then 8:08 and I finally got up at 9:09…by the time I made breakfast and did my morning things I looked at the clock 10:10, opened my email to see a new email sent by a client at 11:11.
Ever since I often look at the clock at it will be 9:09 then I will look again and it will be 9:19 or 8:08 or 8:18. I also see 555 on an almost regular basis and 888,999 and 000. The other thing I see daily is descending and ascending numbers.
These numbers will mean different things for different people however when several are seeing the same sequence of numbers at the same time it’s an activation of sorts. A message coming through.
I feel it’s a message that things (old paradigms) are coming to an end, a BIG end! Since January we’ve had massive earthquakes and crazy things happening with incredible frequency….to me these numbers mean, hang on we are on the right path, all is good and be prepared for change.
555 for me is a number I really don’t like to see, it always means I will get sick or something in my body will break. However what this number really means is change; energy is coming through that is sweeping change and that will effect us on a cellular level which is why the body can break down during these changes, especially when we aren’t in the best physical condition.
Descending numbers are the same thing, a warning of low energy and to be aware. I almost always see descending numbers in the early evening and it’s usually followed with me not feeling great.
Ascending numbers are a wonderful treat for me, it means good stuff is on it’s way and it never disappoints. Often I will see ascending numbers right after I see descending numbers as if the universe is saying, things might be a bit tough right now but chin up, it’s all good.
Right now it’s hailing very hard outside (so much for my newly planted herb garden) and it’s sunny at the same time…it’s rare that it hails here, especially in April and this spring we’ve had November type wind storms and spring in January…it’s all backwards and upside down…but it’s all good 🙂
Take Care
You Can’t See What’s Right if all You See is What’s Wrong April 8, 2010
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This morning, after writing an email to a friend complaining about my week, it suddenly hit me how ungrateful I sound. It’s not that I don’t have the right to vent, or have a bad week but it’s the emphasis on what’s wrong that made me see how much of what’s right I tend to block out.
When things feel wrong, nothing feels right and when things feel right, something must be wrong. How many of us suffer from that type of wonky thinking?
After writing that email I thought about whats right. Well I have a warm comfortable place to live, that’s something to be incredibly grateful for. I often eat at this wonderful little restaurant for lunch as it calms me, that I can even afford to do that once a week makes me very lucky, in fact knowing where my next meal is coming from makes me very lucky indeed.
I’m surrounded by people who love me, who would miss me when I’m gone. I live within walking distance to the sea shore which I love, when I’m stressed I can take a candle lit bubble bath…to even have clean running water is something to be thankful for. I have 2 cats I adore, a husband that’s supportive, loving and my best friend, and I live in a safe neighborhood.
I’d say I’m pretty damned lucky, and to complain about everything that’s wrong is like a bratty child who’s screaming because they can’t have the toy they want, when they have an entire room full of toys they barely play with at home. It’s an insult to my life, the life I’ve built for myself.
It’s difficult when emotions take over and paints everything grey, when we feel low…but in those moments we can look around at what what’s right and be thankful for that, I know I will.
Take Care
Best of the Web (for your spirit) March 25, 2010
Posted by wakingupgroggy in Best of the web.1 comment so far
Every now and then I’ll post a website I think is inspiring, compelling and contributing something good to this world.
Current pick:
Y’all Happy?
Great blog that focuses on good news and positive articles. (And I’m not just saying that because one of my articles is there ;-))
Enjoy 
How to Tell the Difference Between True Positive Thinking and Sugar Coating March 15, 2010
Posted by wakingupgroggy in Uncategorized.Tags: optimism, positive thinking
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I think many people, especially those used to negative thinking, regard positive thinking as sugar coating the truth.
The truth is; the world is what you make of it.
If all you see is shit then that’s all you’re going to see. Yes, there’s really horrible stuff happening in the world, but there’s also wonderful stuff too. What matters is where you put your focus.
Ever notice when you’re feeling in a good mood; you’re light on your feet, you listen to the birds singing and the children playing and you feel your heart is full, and you just want to share that with someone. Then you speak to a friend and they talk about how shitty things are, and maybe even get testy with you being in such a good mood when clearly there’s nothing to be happy about. You then feel deflated like someone letting the air out of a balloon, especially if that person you’re speaking with has an important role in your life.
Who is right, the one that sees the world as something to celebrate, or the one who sees the world is full of pain and suffering?
Well they both are but where you put your energy will either suck it out, or fill it up and that’s up to you.
Sugar coating is being in denial, pretending the bad stuff isn’t there. True positive thinking means knowing there’s suffering in the world and accepting it as a part of life, but choosing to focus on what’s good instead.
In your personal life it means accepting the hardships you’ve had in your life, but choosing to be in the now enjoying what this moment has to offer you.
You have a right to be happy, to feel good, to be optimistic about the future and to have fun, that is your right because it’s your life…don’t allow others to influence your outlook with their own stuff.
Take some time out today to play and have some fun…you deserve it 🙂
Waking Up Groggy 