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10 Ways You Might be Giving Your Power Away January 29, 2010

Posted by wakingupgroggy in Uncategorized.
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Over the past couple of years I’ve been forced to face my fears, each time it came down to how I was giving my power away and not standing confident in my own skin. Many of us do things that drain us of our life force; we give our power away without even realizing we’re doing it.

1. Being a martyr

The martyr is the one who sees themselves as the saviour, the only one who steps in when no one else seems to care, sacrificing themselves for someone in need.

Some of you might think it’s not only good but admirable to give up your own life for the sake of another…it’s not. You aren’t going to help someone who doesn’t want to be helped and you definitely aren’t going to help someone by weakening yourself. It doesn’t mean you walk away from someone who’s in distress and needs help, but at some point enough is enough.

I find that people who do this put themselves in a situation that mirrors a past conflict or personal pain. The belief behind it being this time they can make it right and it will exonerate them from their own pain, like a karmic debt however it never works out that way. Worry about yourself and let others walk their chosen path…. sometimes people need to come to things on their own time, in their own way and it’s important to discern when not to interfere.

2. Feeling guilty

Guilt is one of the most draining, disempowering emotion there is, it has its purposes but most often it’s used a tool of manipulation. If someone is trying to make you feel guilty about something you enjoy, don’t listen to them! They have no right to tell you how to live your life, everyone has their own idea about what they consider good or bad but it comes down to what’s right for you. As long as you aren’t hurting yourself or another person and it makes you happy then have at it, let others mind their own business.

How I handle these people is to smile and nod and say “thank you I will take that into consideration” and change the subject. The exception to this is if several people are confronting you about a situation, perhaps you should listen.

3. Obsessing over someone’s bad behavior

Some people are assholes…period. In fact, some people get off on making other people miserable, and they aren’t going to change. Constantly complaining about their bad behavior, talking about it with anyone who will listen and feeling victimized by them is like bowing down at their feet and calling them master.

Ignore them, don’t engage…no matter how tempting it is, don’t engage! Ignore them completely and they’ll move on.

4. Believing someone else has the power to make you feel whole/sane/worthy/happy/alive

There is no man or woman who can save you from yourself.

There isn’t anyone you can’t live without.

There isn’t anyone who completes you.

You don’t need anyone to stand on your own two feet and feel strong.

Sometimes someone comes along who sweep us off our feet, we feel energized and like the sun rises and sets just for the two of us. There’s nothing wrong with passion as long as it’s kept in check. Don’t let someone else take over your heart and mind no matter how intoxicating….you can enjoy your own company; you don’t need someone else to feel alive.

The other way we give our power away is by giving someone else all of the credit for our own personal achievements. Catch yourself when you say things like “I couldn’t have done it without them”… yes you could have. Be grateful for the support however take credit for your own accomplishments!

5. Feeling sorry for yourself or someone else

Pity is disempowering; you don’t help anyone by giving them your pity. Give love, give encouragement, give support and compassion but not pity. To pity someone is like taking a vacuum hose and sucking the life right out of them. The same goes for yourself, feeling sorry for yourself does nothing other than keep you stuck, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t grieve or feel hurt it means stop feeling like a victim and get proactive.

6. Allowing others to make decisions and/or speak for you

Whether it’s low self-esteem, laziness, not enough time or energy it’s not an excuse for allowing others to run your life. You have it within you to make a good decision, you can do the research, you can use your own intuition, you don’t need someone else to make all of your decisions….stand up for yourself, speak up, don’t let others dominate you.

If you continue to allow others to run your life, ask yourself; do you enjoy living as a slave?

7. Believing everything is love and light, kittens and rainbows

This is disempowering  because denying an essential part of your being is to live in fear of your own nature…. we all have a dark side- we all get angry, we all can be pushed to violent reactions and we all have thoughts that we wouldn’t want anyone to know about…it’s called being human. Life is both dark and light, if you don’t embrace and accept your dark side and the dark side of life you become weak and a victim.

The lion eats the baby gazelle and the mother grieves, but if the lion didn’t eat the gazelle her cubs would starve…that’s just life.

8. Being a doormat

It’s not selfish to say no, you have a right to live your own life and do your own thing. There is no good reason to constantly do what other people tell you to do without question. You’re not being cruel by refusing to put yourself out for someone else. Don’t allow others to walk all over you.

You know what a doormat is for? Cleaning the dirt off the bottom of shoes, don’t let other people wipe their shit on you.

9. Worship

There is not a single person on this planet deserving of your worship. To worship someone is to believe they are better than you, they have something you don’t have, they have something you’re lacking…there  is no guru, priest, rabbi, celebrity, motivational speaker, man woman or child you should ever bow down to or look up to. Nobody knows the secrets of the universe, nobody has all of the answers, nobody is better than you and to worship another is lowering yourself to a subordinate level.

There’s nothing wrong with loving someone’s work and being inspired by them…just know they aren’t greater than you. We each have our own unique gifts and each of us adds something special to this world.

10. Taking the easy way out

It’s easier to follow status quo and do what’s expected, or what’s the least challenging but it deadens your soul. You’re here to fulfill a mission and it’s your mission alone.

How many times have you found yourself giving too much energy to something that’s insignificant? Shying away from our fears is giving our power away because strength comes from overcoming challenges and obstacles. Strength comes from facing our fears head on until we are no longer afraid.

Recognize where you might be giving your power away and take steps to change. The result will be feeling your inner fire and walking tall and strong on your own path.

Comments»

1. Jeannette - January 31, 2010

oh my.. you hit the nail on the head :) thanks for this article
Stay blessed

wakingupgroggy - January 31, 2010

Thank you Jeannette :)

2. Erica - February 22, 2010

I stumbled on this via a Google search for “how to stop giving your power away”. You are spot on. I’ll be reading your blog regularly. This is just what I needed to hear today. Thanks for sharing!

wakingupgroggy - February 22, 2010

Thanks for taking the time to read my blog, I’m glad it helped you :)

3. sumi - March 14, 2010

Just like Erica I too stumbled upon this while searching Google for “how to stop giving your power away”.

It’s to the point and gave me lot of clarity.

I really needed a boost. Thank you.

wakingupgroggy - March 14, 2010

I’m glad to hear this helped you Sumi, thank you for taking the time to read and comment :)

4. Matha - April 30, 2010

I am very encouraged. I have been a matryr, and been allowing people to take advantage of me and then I feel so small. I will take my power back and be assertive. I have learnt so many things and that is why there is so much unproductivity in my life. Thank you for that article.

Matha M.

5. arch - December 31, 2010

This is what I was really looking out for. I am in a position where life challenges me at every step. But what if your most loved ones challenge you each n every time. How would you confront them without being rude.

6. anon - March 8, 2011

thanks for this it was great advice today, i will have to make notes for quick future reference because good advice is too easily forgot

7. Liz - March 25, 2011

You know, it’s odd how words are genderless. I honestly can’t decipher if you’re a man or a woman! Ha!
Anyway, I loved your article and your advice is priceless. Thank You.

8. Rick - October 25, 2011

The best thanks.

Kathy Leopold - May 28, 2012

That post is soooo amazing and so true!!! I need to read that everyday. ;). Tatoo it on my body !! I believe I suffer from almost every point ;(. I have just acknowledge a time for change, after reading about passive, agressive petdonalitys, and becoming aware I have been so wrongly treated for way too long!!
Thanks, kathy

9. shannon robinson - December 4, 2011

This was great. I would lov to recieve more info on this matter or other relative topics. Thank u

10. Matt - March 20, 2012

Sound advice! Beattie’s Codependent No More comes to mind when reading this. Aside from the intertwining with substance/alcohol abuse, the concepts are the same. People are empowered when they stop trying to control others and focus their energy on themselves. ;)

11. Christopher Banks - March 20, 2012

Great stuff mate. In terms of suffering from depression or a mood disorder, the “feeling sorry for yourself” bit isn’t easy to snap out of though. Having people around you – good friends – who can help to distract you or break your thought patterns in an understanding way is a big help.

This is a great list, though, will be resharing today.

12. Aandra - April 11, 2012

man- #3, and #4 – hit the spot!

13. Paul - May 4, 2012

I have to say this is a very good article.

14. Kathy Leopold - May 14, 2012

I found this article about giving away your power so helpful! It reinforced alot of good ideas . I am going to go back and re read it, and make lots of notes to help empower myself !! I have truly felt stuck for way too long!! Things I do out of guilt, etc. and also things I allow others to do to me who are supposed to live me ;(
Life is too short!

15. gabriel roybal - June 4, 2012

Reblogged this on last domino standing and commented:
is it possible to be all of these at once?!?!?

Keith Banks - January 6, 2013

i know how you feel gabriel :p

16. Feeling Powerful, Following Your Dreams and Re-Claiming Your Power | Crafting my Life - June 5, 2012

[...] to our dragons. We give our power away when we never use the word no. There are countless ways that we surrender that inner power we have. And we all do it willingly, without a second thought – including [...]

17. Ludie Quinn - July 2, 2012

Thank You so much,just what I need today!!
Ludie Quinn

18. Mueed khan - August 30, 2012

It is excellent and sincere advice. U just read my mind. I am searching for the solution of my problems from a long time and this blog is the solution of my many problems. Thanks alot :)

19. Randy - September 12, 2012

If you wish for to obtain a great deal from this paragraph then you have to apply these
techniques to your won webpage.

20. Miss mag - September 27, 2012

This article is great and made me realize so many things I was doing wrong. Also, I got drunk a few days ago and texted my crush. He knows I like him now because I finally told him but I drunk texted him ” I just want to be your friend” and he snapped and told me I was unstable and so many other things. He also told me to lose his number.. What should I do in a situation like this?? I work with him and he’s my manager. Ever since then, he’s been avoiding me. How should I face him??

21. Keith Banks - January 6, 2013

i too needed to read about this.. if i dont trust someone my power drains away.. i need to stop self pitying too i think.. very disempowering.. and secluding yourself is also.. i think i was born with an open heart and people abuse it.. but even saying that is sort of self pitying.. oh well, to thy self be true eh..

22. Madre - January 7, 2013

This is SO helpfull !
Thank you

23. http://yahoo.com - February 10, 2013

What exactly honestly moved you to write “10 Ways You
Might be Giving Your Power Away Waking Up Groggy”? I personallytruly
adored it! Thanks for the post ,Jody

24. Anonymous - March 8, 2013

yea i let everyone take me for grarted

25. wakingupgroggy - March 17, 2013

Thank you for you comment, Jody. At the time I needed to hear all of these things, and some of it from repeated converstations with people who kept doing the same dumb things over and over and wouldn’t listen. So I gathered all of that stuff, my own personal failings and the annoyances of others and wrote this as a reminder to myself and hopefully for others too. I’m overwhelmed by the response I’ve received from this blog post, I’m glad others have gotten so much from it.
I don’t write to preach, I write to myself, remind myself so I have no mercy and use tough love on myself and it works every time. I will continue to do that and I hope others will continue to benefit as well.

26. Alyo315 - April 23, 2013

Omg ur right most of that is what happens to me and I feel like im getting powerless I can burely control things anymore. Thank you for tell me. :)

27. darkscarletcerise - May 17, 2013

Reblogged this on Dark Scarlet Cerise and commented:
I was doing a search on how to keep someone from possessing you and this came up. I enjoyed this post very much and wanted to share with anyone who might be looking in.

28. carlaconfidential - May 21, 2013

Thank you, thank you, thank you for this post. You don’t know what this has done for me.

29. Lyndall - August 27, 2013

Reblogged this on The Rainbow Experiment and commented:
Great read about giving up your power

30. Anonymous - October 12, 2013

I thank God for this info was put in a way I could understand.To stop being weak and stand up and be strong by the power invested in me from my lord and savior and stop allowing people opioion of me dictate how I feel about myself.Give no man power over you.

31. Fiona - November 1, 2013

Thank you so so much. Very true and inspiring as it says
love yourself more than anything in this whole wide world


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