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My Friend to the End and Beyond March 17, 2013

Posted by wakingupgroggy in Uncategorized.
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Some people who come in to your life are epic. They make you see things you didn’t think were possible, they open up your heart and mind and you’re never the same after knowing them. I had one such friend.

When I met her I was suffering from extreme anxiety and things were very dark inside my head, but like a beacon of light and joy she bounced into my life and hooked me up with her body talk therapist who was significant to my recovery. We then became fast friends and a year later both of us were ready to have a baby. She would say to me that soon enough both of us would be bumping baby bellies together, and I was excited at the thought of both us of having a baby at the same time. However it didn’t work out that way, she had two really bad miscarriages, the second one happened while I was in the hospital giving birth to my daughter. Despite her loss she didn’t let it slow her step, she skipped into my hospital room genuinely happy for me, and you never would’ve known she was just down the hall getting a procedure to remove the lost life from her womb.

We didn’t see each other as much after I had the baby however I looked forward to the few coffee dates we did have. She was the only one I could talk to about certain things, I’d confess my deepest, most secret thoughts and she didn’t judge me, she helped me to air things out. I loved having that type of friendship in my life, in fact she was the only friend I’d ever said the words ‘I love you’ to.

One year ago today was the day I received the life changing news, she had cancer, it had spread to her liver and there was no cure. She had just turned 40 a month before but her response to the death sentence at her age was  “My life begins at 40”. I fully believed in her, she was the strongest person I’d ever known. She was the type of person who would beat the odds and go on to write books and give lectures on her survival story. At the time I’d just read about a Canadian celebrity Bif Naked, a singer song writer who had beat breast cancer and I thought how much alike they two of them were, both survivors. I believed she would beat it too, or at the very least out live doctors expectations. She died less than 3 months later.

How she died was  inspiring and so beautiful that I accepted her departure fully. I understood that’s the kind of person she was; she didn’t give up but she was impatient and she wasn’t going to wait around for death, if death was to come, let it come.

I went to visit her a month after her diagnosis, she was penniless, homeless and living at her estranged boyfriend’s mothers house. Although her life was at it’s darkest point and she’d lost a lot of weight from the cancer eating her insides, she looked  good. She still had that smile that looked like she had a funny secret she couldn’t wait to share with you. I went to visit her hoping to lift her spirits, instead I left feeling better. That’s how she was, she was selfless and never, ever felt sorry for herself, and through all of that pain and suffering she remained cheerful and smiling.

She died surrounded by her family, they said it was peaceful and she was happy. She died with a kind dignity and grace that is so rare.

Her death of course was not without magic (and a little mystery) she wouldn’t depart this earth without leaving a gift…and so when I received the news of her death I was with my daughter but needed to grieve, with tears streaming down my face I walked up the front steps of my house to take her upstairs to be with Grandma so I could have some time alone. As I left my house I saw Bif Naked walking her dog across the street, I was stunned. I left my daughter with her Grandma and got into my car to drive to the beach to process my emotions, at the corner of the street was Bif Naked again standing waiting for her dog, but it was like she was purposely hesitating. She was giving me a confused look, probably wondering why I was crying. If only she knew how fateful her decision to walk her dog down my street at that exact moment in time was. I’d never seen her in my neighborhood before and I haven’t seen her since

Sometimes life is like that, why Bif Naked was walking past my house at the very moment I received news of the passing of my friend, the friend I thought would beat her cancer like she did, is a mystery for me still.

Now on this one year anniversary perhaps the reason is a little clearer. First of all I’m a huge skeptic of everything supernatural. I believe the universe is a mysterious place and there are countless explanations for why things happen, however my friend wasn’t a skeptic at all, she fully believed in it as she’d experienced it herself.

Recently my husband went to see a new client for his job in IT, this woman who claims to do energy healing suddenly asked him if he had a sister or friend who died recently. She told him there was a tall blonde woman in her 30’s standing near him, her description of the female spirit was exact description of my friend that had passed away. She told him the female spirit kept repeatedly saying “you’re a good husband’ and that is the exact kind of thing my friend would say.

I miss my friend terribly, but to know she’s there watching over us brings me peace. That’s who she was, always looking out for the people she cared about. I’m so grateful for every single minute that she was my friend, that she was and always will be in my life, even after death.

My friend taught me many things, but the most important thing she taught me was how to always be grateful, to keep grace in your heart and love life no matter what it throws at you and always, always believe in magic.



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